The Hardest Work Of All

In late March, Charles Snelling of Allentown, Pennsylvania killed his wife of 61 years, Adrienne, who had been suffering from Alzheimer's disease for six years, and then himself. Last fall David Brooks published an essay by Mr. Snelling about his life and devotion to Adrienne:

It never occurred to me for a moment that it would not be my duty and my pleasure to take care of my sweetie. After all, she took care of me in every possible way she could for 55 years. The last six years have been my turn, and certainly I have had the best of the bargain. So I have dug in with the will. Adrienne likes to be with me so, everywhere I go Adrienne goes as well. We have wonderful helpers here in Allentown, at Estrellita, and in Washington. Certainly they have helped me enormously, but real care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s cannot be delegated. I did not need to be told that; I felt it in my bones.

Brooks reflects here. I was an Andover classmate of one of Mr. Snelling's daughters, Marjorie, and had the pleasure of meeting him and Adrienne. I can only imagine the agony in their close-knit family over the tragedy and all the commentary. At church I probably worry most about those such as Mr. Snelling who are providing full-time care for the chronically ill. Few responsibilities are more grueling, lonely, and emotionally and spiritually exhausting, especially, it seems, when the patient is suffering from dementia.
Give rest, O Christ, to your servants with your saints, where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting.

Alzheimer's Myths

Sandra Day O'Connor (who lost her husband, John, last November to Alzheimer's disease) and two medical experts on the urgent need for more research as the baby boomers age:

Experience has taught us that we cannot avoid Alzheimer’s disease by having regular medical checkups, by being involved in nourishing relationships or by going to the gym or filling in crossword puzzles. Ronald Reagan suffered the ravages of this disease for a decade despite the support of his loving family, the extraordinary stimulation of his work, his access to the best medical care and his high level of physical fitness. What’s needed are new medicines that attack the causes of the disease directly.

They're right, of course (said the self-interestedly enlightened, aging baby boomer). It's important to note, though, that the article elides Alzheimer's and the dementia that can result from the emotional isolation and discouragement that attend old age, especially in nursing homes. No family that chooses institutional care for an aging relative does so blithely, and none deserves to be judged. But a considerable number of folks who manifest depression-related dementia while living in unfamiliar surroundings -- as many as 50%, according to one study several years ago -- might perk up at home.