Clognitive Dissonance

In a commercial before the safety video on United flight #481 this morning from BWI to LAX, the president and CEO said the airline was spending $500 million to upgrade its planes. I hope he saves some for this busted flush. At one point 15 customers from the sold-out main cabin were waiting in line for the remaining restroom. But so far as I know, no protestors from coach tried to occupy the the facilities of the 1% class cabin.

Infradisgusture

Why do New York and LA have such crummy airports?

Delta Blues

As Kathy and I drove to LAX yesterday morning, we heard on the radio that Delta Airlines is ranked lowest in customer satisfaction. The scene at left may be one reason why. Passengers who don't pay a high annual fee for special security privileges are herded down a long, dark tunnel and funneled through two checkpoints. It took us a half hour on Monday morning. In January, I spent an hour and a half in the line while my fellow Holy Land pilgrims worried that I'd been waylaid or had gotten sick. I couldn't call them, because cell phones don't work on Delta's long underground march.

Our January experience exposed an inconsistency in Delta's methods. We can debate giving speed passes to frequent fliers and others who are willing to pay. My heart says that homeland security should be equally annoying for all. But I can also understand the value of getting the frequently flying engineers of our sputtering economic engine to their vital job- and wealth-creating work as painlessly as possible.

But Delta LAX doesn't play by its own rules. In January, I was the last through security because I wanted to make sure my 27 fellow pilgrims were on their way to the gate first. Few if any were so-called priority passengers, but most were sent through the priority line anyway. I'm glad they were spared the privations of the Styx Delta. But it means that the policy is sometimes to distribute the masses equally among all available lines and other times to honor the division between priority travelers and the rest of humanity. Better one policy or the other than both at the same time.

And a better airport, please. Part of Delta's problem is a generation-old physical plant. LAX has poor parking, makeshift security areas, and grubby-looking restrooms. Pretty embarrassing when you think of folks flying in from gleaming airports in Tokyo, Beijing, and Detroit.

No More Landing At Airports

That was Richard Nixon's famous instruction to an aide after a plane-side campaign rally had gone poorly. More hard-to-fulfill requests from passengers here, courtesy of the flight attendants of Virgin Atlantic.

We Have Ways To Make You Flexible

Why did the weekend's blizzards on the East coast tie up air travel more than they would have back in the day? Why, it's the airlines' "inflexibility," according to the New York Times. Reporter Joe Sharkey runs through the particulars. Profitable airlines don't provide enough personnel to help stranded passengers book new flights. When travelers do get through to a human being, it's hard to get seats, because airlines have figured out how to run fewer flights so that most planes fly full. Pesky profit motive again!

Of course there's one more little thing making airlines inflexible. Sharkey interviews a pilot who says that in the old days, airlines at least tried to get flights off the ground during snowstorms. No more. In April, a federal law went into effect permitting the government to fine airlines up to $27,500 per passenger for every person who's stuck in a plane on the tarmac for three hours or more. "Now they’re often not even trying to take off," the pilot said. "They’re just going straight to wholesale cancellations."

And whose fault is that? And yet you can bet the cash-strapped feds are wondering if they can pass laws telling airlines how many operators to hire and airplanes to fly, or else. Our government's motto: Fined if you do, fined if you don't.

Don't Touch My Socks

Critics of President Obama and the TSA have been urging them to adopt the Israeli model for airport security, which I've experienced. It's based on profiling, one-on-one interviews with passengers, and invasive inspections of your luggage, including bundles of dirty laundry, while you watch. According to Dana Milbank, it would cost the feds between $40 billion-$150 billion a year.

What Price Security?

James Hanley on the TSA's patdowns. (For mature readers only, please.)

It's Terrifying Being Green

According to my St. John's friend Tom Tierney, authority on all things aeronautical, who provided this arresting photo, as this 747 operated by Taiwan-based EVA Air took off from Amsterdam, the photographer was 475 feet from the fence. You can guess how close the plane was.

NC-17 At The Airport

Noting that the chances of being the victim of a terrorist attack on an aircraft are one in 10.5 million, the "Economist" wonders at "the submissiveness and docility of the American people" in submitting to more and more invasive security procedures.

It's Soft Being Green

Making fun of silly travel gimmicks and gadgets, the "Economist" errs:

Someone out there will doubtless claim that the Skyrest travel pillow changed their travelling life. But if you're going to prop a pale blue cushion the size of a television on your knees and sleep on it, you will look absurd.

Oh, like people trying to sleep on airplanes ever look good, such as with their heads wedged between seats and drool running down their chins. This guy might look absurd; he also looks asleep.